Victories and Defeats

Some days, it feels like I am victorious.  Other days, I am deeply defeated ... mostly by my own self-imposed expectations. But sometimes, the defeats are so large and emotionally all encompassing, the victories of the day are overshadowed.  Overall though, the transition to a family of 4, a mommy of two adorable boys has been incredible.  {Incredibly hard some days, but incredibly wonderful everyday.}

The victories are small and the memories of such fade quickly, but here are some things I am particularly proud of {in no particular order} ...

Getting Alekzander into his "day clothes" by 11 a.m. :: such an accomplishment.  {Ignore the fact that he may not match {because he picks out his own clothes} and the fact that two hours later he'll put pajamas back on for nap time.}

Anderson gaining 1 pound and 3 ounces in 10 days ... putting him exactly 1 pound over his original birth weight.  Our pediatrician walked into the room on Monday at Anderson's two week weight check saying, "There must be a superstar in the room!"  The pediatrician explained that usually he is happy if a baby gets back to his birth weight at two weeks... but Anderson surpassed that expectation! {This was a huge victory because I was actually feeling defeated about breastfeeding at first.}  

Both boys napping at the same time = downtime for Mommy

Receiving a black-eyed Susan flower picked out of the garden ... "It means I want to marry you, Mommy."

Hearing Alekzander tell me he is glad that we are having "Mommy Days" and that I am staying home and not going to work like Daddy.

Walking to the park on my own {with both boys}.

Keeping Anderson on a three hour eating schedule; having him sleep in his crib {most of the time}.

Unloading and loading the dishwasher every morning this week.

Doing laundry {even if it is not yet put away}.

Writing "thank you notes" {that will be delivered before Anderson's first birthday!!}

Diffusing a 20-minute tantrum over a broken cookie and bagel with love and snuggles ... and not giving in to the requests for one more cookie and a whole "circle" bagel.

There have been some defeating moments - especially this week as I am still sleep deprived, and Andrew is back to work "full time" on his summer schedule, and Alekzander is processing our new world.  There were cry-worthy {more like sob-worthy} moments which are now laughable.  Real - but ugly - and slightly funny once removed from the situation for a few hours or days.

Last Sunday, Alekzander woke up early ... he stayed in our bed crawling up and down the length of the bed while Andrew and I tried to keep sleeping.  Apparently, we were pretty successful because our sneaky son went downstairs several times to help himself to watermelon in the refrigerator.  The worst part was that he chose to eat it IN.ANDERSON'S.CLOSET... which happens to be "closed" by two off-white cotton canvas curtains.  Trails of watermelon juice went from the kitchen, up the stairs, in to Anderson's room, and into the closet - complete with red, juicy fingerprints on the brand new curtains.  The way we found out about this was seeing Alekzander's wet, sticky face - and him admitting that he ate "dried up black grapes" in Anderson's closet???? We definitely have a mouse-free house, but I was mortified that he could have possibly eaten mouse poop.  I stayed in bed as Andrew investigated ... but it turned out that the black things were watermelon seeds ... and Alekzander realized his naughtiness and had tried to clean up his mess with fabric softener sheets that were stashed among Anderson's new closet organization unit.  Totally defeated by a 3 year old before 8 a.m.  Lovely.  But now pretty funny.  Poor boy was hungry.  But still naughty for sneaking food!  

On Monday, during nap, Alekzander decided not to nap for the first 2 hours. He had many visits from mommy who happened to be exhausted and trying to nurse Anderson.  On one visit, I found a play telescope and a toy car hidden under the pillow.  The next time I went in, he had his hands hidden under the pillow.  When I looked at his hands - and his face - I noticed blue dye all over. I overreacted and yelled for him to show me what he had played with.  He led me into the bathroom and showed me his colored Crayola bath tablets ... which he decided to taste.  I was screaming for him to tell me how much, if any, he ate so I would know if I had to call the hospital {poison control} and scared him enough to escalate the conversation to a screaming/crying match on both of our parts.  It turned out that he had just licked it {because he thought it might taste like blueberries} and then put it back in the cup.  His mouth was washed out, teeth brushed furiously, colored tablets dumped into the trashcan, and he was sent back to bed crying himself to sleep ... while he eventually slept {incredibly peacefully}, I sat in my bed still trying to nurse Anderson and sobbed for 45 minutes.  Maybe I cried because I was scared for him, but mostly because I was disappointed at myself for losing my temper.  Hugely defeating afternoon  ...

We've also had to clean up a shattered glass canister full of caramel rice cakes taken illegally off the counter; we've had to do concussion checks and hold off bedtime due to a traumatic head to swing injury that laid Alekzander out flat on the ground.  We have been pooped and peed and spit up on.  

But we have also said "I love you" and "I'm sorry for hurting your heart and using mean words".  We have snuggled in bed and talked about dreams and favorite parts of the day.  We have eaten dinner as a family every night {Anderson especially likes to be part of dinner and cries in his crib until he gets to join the party} and have shared bedtime stories like sardines squished into Alekzander's little bed.  We have survived two weeks of early mornings, emotional days, and sleepless nights.  We are {mostly} victorious!