Easter shopping complete :: I checked out with no wait at all, unloaded groceries,
returned my cart and then did a literal indecision dance in the parking lot.
Do I follow that little voice, that little tug of my heart
and buy flowers in honor of an angel's birthday?
Will the flowers even matter? Will anyone even see them? Does that even matter?
I walked back in the store to find nearly 20 people waiting to check out.
Do I have time to wait? Should I do this?
Indecision melted away and now I was only left with the decision
of which flowers were perfect enough to celebrate a life so beautiful but too short.
Potted purple hyacinth flowers won,
and I rushed home to grab my little loves to help me carry out my act of love.
Four year olds - mine especially - are amazing in their honesty
and their excitement for life.
And their questions. The endless questions!
I told Alekzander that we had to go to my school
to drop off flowers for one of my student's birthdays.
He asked if she would invite him to her birthday party.
For a half second, I wished I had just gone on my mission alone
so that I wouldn't have to answer questions
or talk about death, Heaven, heartbreak.
But I reminded him that Maddie is an angel now.
"Oh! So she is in Heaven with God?"
Yes buddy, she is. So she gets to celebrate her birthday with Jesus.
"Is she God's helper?"
"Can she see us? Will she see the flowers?"
"Will she come back to Earth?"
No bud, Heaven is so wonderful;
people in Heaven wouldn't want to come back to Earth.
"So you will see her when you go to Heaven?"
Yes I am sure I will.
"I know something great!
When you go to Heaven, you can teach Maddie again.
And if you cannot find her, you can ask God which house she lives in.
And God will show you where her house is."
"Will Maddie and God see the flowers?"
I bet they will be able to see them. You know what would be funny?
If God makes it rain when we put the flowers on Maddie's bench;
that will mean He saw them and
He knows how to take care of them and give them water.
Sure enough as we pulled into the parking lot,
the raindrops started falling.
God was watching and has a sense of humor.
A few raindrops couldn't stop our mission,
so I took both boys out of the car and walked to
Maddie's bench in the Butterfly Garden.
Alekzander followed through with his responsibility
and watered the flowering plant
even though God had it covered by sending the rain.
I let Anderson down to explore the grass around the bench.
Anderson Maddox :: my little sunshine.
He went straight for a single purple flower that had been left earlier in the day.
Knocked over our flowers more than once.
Sweetly touched the plaque on Maddie's memorial bench.
We prayed for Maddie and her family on the way home.
"Dear God, please send up the flowers to Maddie."
Dear Lord,
We do not understand why Maddie had to leave this Earth so soon,
but we know You work for good.
We pray for daily portions of peace for Maddie's family.
We know You are good even if we do not understand Your ways.
Thank you for sending Your Son to save us from our sins.
We love you.
And in small ways, we try to love like You.
To love daily. And fully.
To embrace these gifts You give us.
To listen to the small voice; to follow the tugs on our heart.
To answer the questions. To protect innocence.
To talk frankly, kindly, humbly.
Sweetest Maddie, we miss you and love you,
on your birthday and always.
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